how could one possibly forget to breathe?

It's been an interesting few days. Here are the highlights:

After the elevator collapse, I decided to take it easy. So when I went to the gym on Thursday night, I chose the seated bike instead of the elliptical machine. I find the bike pretty uncomfortable, because I spend the entire thirty minutes kneeing myself in the stomach, but I figured it would be less likely to end in disaster. Incorrect. I spent 30 minutes on level 1, and at the end I couldn't finish the cool down because I was so light headed. What the what?

Saturday we ran a bunch of errands, including purchasing furniture for the nursery. Brad has been saving up credit card points for years. He had dreams of using the points for a drum set, but when I found out that we could buy an entire set of furniture for the nursery from Pottery Barn instead, I turned on the power of persuasion. It was an easy sell, but Brad likes to over-dramatize the sacrifice he's making from time to time. For instance, while we are standing at the Pottery Barn Kids counter, surrounded by saleswomen and pregnant ladies. We actually exchanged the points for gift cards, but we could only get the cards in $100 denominations. So we handed the woman a stack of them when she asked how we'd like to pay.

Saleslady: "Woah. That's a lot of cards."
Brad: "Yeah. I've been saving up credit card points for years. I was going to get a drum set. But then I got her pregnant. Now I have to buy a crib."
Saleslady: (Crickets)
Pregnant Ladies: (Crickets)
Brad: Hee hee hee.

None of the ladies hovering around the counter found this funny. Brad was giggling uncontrollably as I was intercepting the looks of pity coming at me from every direction. Tough crowd. But, hey! We have a crib, dresser/changing table, and bookcase on the way! Woot!

Saturday night we got all dolled up for a swanky birthday party. Our good friends Shruti and Brett were celebrating together, and they booked a table at a club that is entirely too hip for me, and that's when I'm not five-months pregnant. I put on my fanciest outfit (new pair of jeans + fancy top on loan from Holly + patent leather Danskos). The shirt is awesome, but makes it blatantly obvious that I'm pregnant. Thus, I stood out at the club. Every time I walked to the bathroom, I got confused looks. Why is a pregnant lady at a club at 1am? It was quite the Knocked Up moment. Silver lining: I was the only person who could pour my drink at the table as soon as we arrived, as I didn't have to wait for the bottles decorated with sparklers to show up. Pregnancy bonus!

It was a late night: we didn't go to bed until 2:30am, and we had to be up at 6:30am on Sunday to make the dedication of Baby Jane, Meghan and Mark's newest addition. Then delicious brunch to celebrate. Then I went to a baby shower for our friends Dana and Thomas where I had brunch #2. Then I took a nap. When I woke up an hour later, my left arm was aching. Like I'd gotten a tetanus shot but ignored the instruction to move my arm constantly for hours thereafter.

Stayed up late (against my better judgment) and crawled into bed at 11:30. Up at 3:45 to use the little girls' room, and the aching arm decided to turn it up a notch. Could. Not. Sleep. Googled pregnant and aching arm, and learned that it's probably a pinched nerve. Tater is occupying more and more space (which is why I feel like a turduckin) and may be leaning on a nerve. Swell.

Eventually I got out of bed and willed myself into the shower, wishing I needed more than two hands to count the hours of sleep I'd banked in the last 48 hours. I moved at a molasses pace, and finally left for work at 9:30. Normally it takes me 10 minutes, max, to walk to the train from my apartment. It's, what, five blocks? This morning it took me 30 minutes. Because I could not breathe. I'd walk half a block, stop to catch my breath. Cross the street, see stars, stop to sit on the sidewalk. Ten more stops, perch on a building ledge. It was ridiculous and just a little terrifying. By the time I got to the train station, I had to take a break before walking through the turnstile. Then I took the elevator to the platform. The elevator! Thankfully, I made it to work without passing out. Yes, I ate breakfast before leaving the house. I was just insanely short of breath. And no, no strangers stopped to lend me a hand.

Called the OB/GYN to get some advice. Spoke with Doc L. Shortness of breath, even this extreme, is normal. Seriously? I can't even begin to imagine how I'm going to get around in a few months. Perhaps I'll have to crawl to the train? Doc L was a little worried about the arm pain, because arm pain + shortness of breath + tight chest (normally) = aspirin + a trip to the ER. But unless I was experiencing a 24-hour heart attack marathon, I was pretty sure that wasn't the problem. Doc L says I might get a little relief when my abdominal wall gives in to Tater's pressure. And he says I should drink more fluids, as dehydration can make the lightheadedness worse. So I'm downing as much water as I can. This is not easy, given the turduckin, Tater vs. abdominal wall state of things. Where oh where will the water go?

I officially regret every abdominal crunch I've ever done.